


The Light Will Set Us Free

by bloodrubi



Series: tøp quote prompts [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Everyone is precious, Gen, One Shot, Original Song, Songfic, ZOE IS NOT A STUCK UP BITCH SHE IS PRECIOUS AND I LOVE HER, and i have a few ocs in this, but they arent all uwu precious beans that couldnt do any wrong, connor redemption kinda?, i love con too, i love the deh characters, i love the murphy siblings, i mean he doesnt do much but hes trying at least, ryan is precious, so is rose but-, soft murphy sibs, the song zoe sings is about alana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 13:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15950117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodrubi/pseuds/bloodrubi
Summary: denimconstellations:Imma gonna go record that song before my brother gets home. You two should probably go to sleep as well thoughSent 2:29No response. That was probably expected though. Zoe could only hope that her friends would take her advice and try to sleep as closed the tab, replacing it with her document that held the cords and lyrics for the song. She crawled across her bed slowly to make sure she wouldn’t wake her parents, if they were asleep. Her guitar, which had been given to her by Connor when she was 11 and he was 12, stood up straight against the wall, a pale arctic blue glistening in the moonbeams streaming through the window. Her first lessons had been from her brother, sharing the same guitar and sitting on the edge of the couch in the lounge room. In a way, the instrument was a memoir of their friendship concluding. They both completely seemed to drift off after that. Zoe slung the lightning bolt-rimmed strap over her shoulder as she strode back to her crosslegged place near the window, tapping on her phone to start recording. She could cut out whatever came before she started playing.Three short, muted strums of the guitar before the tune really began. And then the lyrics.





	The Light Will Set Us Free

**Author's Note:**

> so i did another one shot. with a quote from another top song. its called isle of flightless birds. and the fic has nothing to do with it. its actually based around a song that i wrote, called perfect. so i hope you like it!

Zoe knew she should’ve been long asleep by then. It was nearing 2 in the morning, which meant her brother would be home pretty soon. Maybe. It was either he was coming back soon or not for another week. As much as she didn’t want him to be hurt, some dark part of her hoped for the latter. 

It wasn’t that she  _ wanted _ anything bad to happen to Connor. It was more that she wanted a few nights of being able to stay up late on her laptop, singing and writing and playing her guitar and messaging Alana and Carissa with a giddy grin on her face without having to worry that her brother would come home in a fit of rage for no reason and start terrifying the shit out of her. She liked it when that didn’t happen. Unsurprisingly. 

She had a few candles lit around her room that gave off a gentle, somewhat calming scent that reminded her of some sort of strawberry flavoured gum packed with absurd amounts of sugar that her mom would never let her have. Or maybe it was the actual pack of gum she had tucked into her pocket, hoping that Cynthia wouldn’t become suspicious and try to find the god-forbidden sweetness. The sweetest thing that woman ever seemed to allow was the candles, glittering with light. Other than the moon and starlight that fell into Zoe’s room and scattered across her pillowcase and the dim illumination of her laptop, the pink candles were the only light. 

Zoe was looking through Tumblr, seated cross-legged on her bed as she faced out the window. She only had one blog, called denim-constellations, which she used to post sections of lyrics to a few of her own songs, small vents or notes, artists she liked, or sometimes clips of her own singing. The latter always seemed to be the most popular in her small group of followers.  She wasn’t absurdly popular, her blog was much more of a personal place. Her songs were private to her and the website. Not for her family, or her friends, or anyone else she knew who could find it. 

Of course, there were a few friends she had online, bonding over their joint interest in writing and playing songs. Most of them happened to live on the other side of the country- or the world. But that just gave her a sense of privacy when she had to rant about how tired she was of certain people in jazz band  or small things that happened at school in her group of friends that seemed to make her angry- she forgave them, of course, but it felt better to let it out rather than keep it in like she had to at home. Because her brother had issues that Cynthia and Larry always seemed to focus on. Zoe was the perfect angel who couldn’t possibly be hurt or upset or scared or angry. 

She sighed, pausing  _ The Rain _ , by Oh Wonder, about a minute and a half in to grab her phone and record. She had only just sent some of her friends, Rose and Ryan (they lived together as friends in Canada, who sung duets they wrote together under the blog name of handmade-stars. They had their own respective blogs too, on which they had personal, non-music related posts), a new set of song lyrics she had finished writing the day before. It was just a sweet, rather long song that was quite vague in theme but didn’t stray too much. She didn’t think. Ryan was the more sugar coating and supportive out of the two- Rose was kind as well, but she gave a much more harsh critique and a realistic outlook. Zoe was grateful for both of them, and they sounded wonderful together, but sometimes she needed one person to talk to her more than the other. In that case, it was Rose and her eager, hyperspecific eye for words and lyrics and notes. But of course, that wasn’t who she got a response from.

 

_ halfadreamer: _

_ omg zo thats so good! the words- the rhymes-  _

_ please say youre gonna record this onnnneee _

_ Sent 2:14 am _

 

That was Ryan. From the videos he was in with Rose, he clearly had reddish-brown hair, green eyes, and a thing for wearing weirdly formal clothing, especially compared to Rose’s casual and messy sort of style. She pulled it off, though, with oversized sweaters, her long, walnut brown hair tied into a messy bun on her head, and freckles scattering her body. 

 

_ denimconstellations:  _

_ Im not really sure. Besides, it isnt perfect.  _

_ Sent 1:44 am _

 

_ halfadreamer: _

_ was that a pun? _

_ you said it was called perfect _

_ im sO PROUD _

_ Sent 1:46 am _

 

_ denimconstellations: _

_ I apologize for that not being a pun. Nut really, I think it could use fixing up. _

_ Sent 1:47 am _

 

_ halfadreamer:  _

_ nut???? _

_ Sent 1:47 am _

 

_ denimconstellations: _ _  
_

_ But, goddamn it _

_ Theyre close together on the keyboard give me a break _

_ Sent 1:50 am _

 

_ anothertranscendentalist:  _

_..All of the good words are just from Buzzfeed. _

_ Sent 1:56 am _

 

_ halfadreamer: _ _  
_

_ you checked? _

_ actually i think i expected that from you at this point.  _

_ nerd _

_ Sent 1:58 am _

 

_ anothertranscendentalist:  _

_ I just check for plagiarism a lot. Trust issues and such. Besides, we have most of the same classes and you get higher marks than me in a few of them. Nerd. _

_ Sent 2:01 am _

 

And there was Rose. She was nice, had an  _ unbelievable _ voice range, and was probably one of the Grammarly editors you could pay to read over your work. Except Zoe was lucky enough to have her friend more than ready to nitpick through any piece of writing she sent. Rose and Ryan were both 19 as roommates in their local college, and they quickly bonded over music. Ryan had written a lot of duets prior to them meeting, and Rose had altered them slightly before agreeing to sing them together. It always seemed to be beautiful and chilling. 

 

 _denimconstellations:_ _  
_ _Youre both nerds, suck it up_

_ Anyway, Rose, be honest and tell me what you think _

_ Of the song. _

_ Please. _

_ Sent 2:06 am _

 

_ anothertranscendentalist: _

_ If you want it, sure. First off- what the hell does ‘effervescence in the luminescence’ even mean? Effervescence is a term used  _ _speci fically for bubbles in a liquid, and then you go ahead to describe the said luminescence as stars in the sky. I assume. If not, then you should probably alter that verse a fair bit. _

_ Sent 2:14 am _

 

_ halfadreamer: _

_ who caaaaares? _

_ no ones going to read into the lyrics that much _

_ fuckin nerd _

_ Sent 2:15 am _

 

_ anothertranscendentalist: _

_ Great, thanks. Just the dose of self-esteem I truly needed. Don’t come in my room, Ryan, I’m gonna be crying. _

_ Sent 2:17 am _

 

_ halfadreamer: _

_ wAIT NO HANG ON IM COMING IN PREPARE FOR HUGS _

_ Sent 2:17 am _

 

And that was all from Ryan and Rose. They were lucky to know each other, though it seemed they never went out to see anyone else. Of course, they had classes and such to go to, but they seemed to go everywhere together nonetheless. Someone from outside could’ve confused their absurdly close friendship with a romantic relationship, but they both protested their lack of romantic affection. 

Zoe barely realized the time until the silence started getting to her head. It was late, and she needed to get the song recorded already or else she’d never hear the end of it from her online friends. Plus, it was getting late. She needed to get to sleep already. Plus school was tomorrow.. Today? Soon. She hated it when it was early morning/late night, it confused her.

 

 _denimconstellations:_ _  
_ _Imma gonna go record that song before my brother gets home. You two should probably go to sleep as well though_

_ Sent 2:29 _

 

No response. That was probably expected though. Zoe could only hope that her friends would take her advice and try to sleep as closed the tab, replacing it with her document that held the cords and lyrics for the song. She crawled across her bed slowly to make sure she wouldn’t wake her parents, if they were asleep. Her guitar, which had been given to her by Connor when she was 11 and he was 12, stood up straight against the wall, a pale arctic blue glistening in the moonbeams streaming through the window. Her first lessons had been from her brother, sharing the same guitar and sitting on the edge of the couch in the lounge room. In a way, the instrument was a memoir of their friendship concluding. They both completely seemed to drift off after that. Zoe slung the lightning bolt-rimmed strap over her shoulder as she strode back to her crosslegged place near the window, tapping on her phone to start recording. She could cut out whatever came before she started playing.

Three short, muted strums of the guitar before the tune really began. And then the lyrics.

 

_ “Effervescence in the _

_ Luminescence dancing _

_ In the sky, _

_ A joy so high” _

 

Connor had only just gotten home after a walk that lasted far too long for someone alone and completely sober in the middle of the night. He much preferred being alone than at home with his family, though. Avoiding calamity with a strange, silent calm. It wasn’t like anyone talked to him during it, though. It gave him time to think, which he didn’t get enough of. Especially considering every time he was home he was either being endlessly interrogated, going to war yet again with his parents, or trying to blast away his thoughts with music. That time he went home though, he was greeted by another kind of music he wasn’t used to hearing. A lot calmer, quieter. 

 

_ “A thought in the sky _

_ Released from a bottle, _

_ An epiphany _

_ Of love” _

 

He wasn’t sure what it was about the soft singing that made him want to listen so much. Maybe it was the nostalgia of hearing the guitar play alone in a silent house, or maybe Zoe was just a good singer. He knew she played in jazz band, but he had never bothered to listen. As far as Connor knew, she didn’t get any solos anyway. So there really wasn’t much reason for him to give in to Cynthia’s pleas to go to the seasonal concerts that were far too loud, busy, crowded, and  _ long. _ It wasn’t fun the one time he managed to get dragged, and he had no doubt the concerts would stay just as boring as before.

Connor walked light-footed up the stairs to avoid disturbing his singing sister- a precaution he had never bothered taking until then -and slipped his messenger bag just next to his door at the end of the hall. He didn’t go in, though. He at least wanted to hear the final chord of the song. Or even just the chorus, because he was fairly certain that hadn’t been sung yet. 

 

_ “And I know you say you’re sad, _

_ But together it cannot all be so bad _

 

_ Solitude under a rainbow _

_ A rainbow of an ethereal light, _

_ Solitude in the darkness _

_ Reading, smiling, laughing, _

_ Dreaming together of a perfect world _

_ A perfect world is only a world  _

_ With you _

_ You” _

 

Connor thought for just a single moment that he should convince his parents to get him back into guitar lessons. They’d oblige, he knew that full well. They always egged him on to go back, saying that they’d buy Zoe another guitar and he could have his old one. He made an array of excuses, starting from irrational, kiddish defenses (“But Zo touched it! It’s got her germs on it now”) to genuine reasons he didn’t want to play that seemed to make Cynthia’s face droop slightly (“It isn’t my thing to do anymore. If Zoe wants the spotlight, she can fucking have it”). He didn’t want to steal the attention back. It wasn’t what he wanted. He’d rather be completely invisible and be forgotten so his ever-so-soon death wouldn’t be too much of a big deal. It shouldn’t be. But still, maybe if they did something together, whether it be sickly sweet singing or something that was more of his taste, maybe they could be closer. He missed that. 

 

_ “Nyx greets you with her  _

_ Gentle call, _

_ Painting her silver nightlights _

_ On our bedroom walls _

_ Night is here, but don’t fret my dear” _

 

As he listened, he pulled out his phone and started recording. Not for blackmail, though. Simply so he could go through the lyrics a bit more. Because if his sister was mentioning Greek goddesses in her songs, then maybe the other lyrics could appeal to him as well. Maybe he could try playing it in his own style. Maybe. By the looks of it, Zoe was much more musical than him. She sang effortlessly and softly, whereas for him.. To be blunt and simple, his singing wasn’t great. Connor’s time and attention seemed to focus around reading, mostly. Which anyone literate could do. He wasn’t special. It wasn’t like he could write well, or make overly complicated theories about the material. His only talent was keeping the books he owned clean of being dogeared. 

 

_ “And I know you say you’re sad, _

_ But together it cannot all be so bad _

 

_ Solitude under a rainbow _

_ A rainbow of an ethereal light, _

_ Solitude in the darkness, _

_ Reading, smiling, laughing, _

_ Dreaming together of a perfect world _

_ A perfect world is only a world  _

_ With you _

_ You   
_

   


_ You’re the perfect gemstone, _ _  
_

_ Reflecting the pretty light,   
_

_ This is the perfect night..” _

 

Connor wanted to talk to his sister. She was  _ happy _ singing, something that he never got to see. That was his fault, and he knew it. She hated him for good reason, but that didn’t mean he was just going to let their shitty relationship die off with him. They were siblings, and sure, it didn’t seem to be very often that siblings got along, but they seemed to be there for each other regardless. Maybe this could be the first step to mending their relationship. Kindness at twenty-to-three in the morning.

   


_ “Solitude under a rainbow _

_ A rainbow of an ethereal light, _

_ Solitude in the darkness _

_ Reading, smiling, laughing, _

_ Dreaming together of a perfect world _

_ A perfect world is only a world  _

_ With you _

_ You” _

 

Humming and strumming finished up the song. Connor stood against the wall in silence for a good few minutes, as if trying to talk to his sister then would shatter her. He was going to try. Maybe it wouldn’t work. Maybe she hated him even more than he thought and wouldn’t try to talk to him with a clean slate. Maybe. Maybe she’d try too. Maybe she wouldn’t forgive and forget, but maybe she’d try and let him try as well. 

He finished the recording, dropping his phone into his pocket and knocking on Zoe’s bedroom door. He waited what felt like an hour before it opened, revealing his sister’s more than slightly scared face. God, that hurt. He was a monster and they both knew it. 

“Leave me alone, Connor. I really don’t want to deal with your shit right now,” She grumbled, not even meeting his eyes. She seemed lost, distant, and truly unable to put up with anything he would’ve normally done. He felt a pang of guilt from that. Because it was his fault that she was scared, his fault that she hated him, his fault that  _ everyone  _ hated him, his fault, his fault,  _ his fault his fault his fault it was all his fault- _

He was definitely not helping the very well-supported theory Zoe had that he was high. He had just been standing in silence for how long? Too long. “I just wanted to say that your singing is.. Surprisingly nice,” Connor said almost breathlessly.

No response.

“Can I come in for a bit? Just to talk,’ He added, glancing over her shoulder to see her phone plugged into her laptop. The computer screen displayed a draft for a Tumblr post, with no words written yet save for the date- September Fourth, 2016. 

Zoe hesitantly met his eyes, studying him like some specimen under a microscope. “You’re not..-”   
“High? No. I’m not. Glad to know that’s the first thing you think of about me.” It was fair, though. Usually when he came home at 3 in the morning he was loud, violent, and high off his ass. He would’ve thought that his caution would’ve given away the fact that he was completely sober, but apparently Zoe needed the confirmation.

She stepped to the side, still watching her brother with vigilance, but let him pass through. There had to be some sort of ulterior motive with this, but frankly, she was too tired to care. It was certainly better than having a constant feeling of disconcert when she heard nothing of the sounds of doors closing or footsteps going upstairs or hell, even just the shouting she had to face most of the time. Perhaps they could talk. 

“How long were you listening for?” Zoe asked warily, sitting on her bed as the taller brunette took his seat at her desk. 

He shrugged with indifference. “Depends on how many songs you played. I only heard that one.” 

“Oh.”

“What, is there something wrong with me hearing you sing?” Connor asked with a sort of edge to his tone that definitely threw her off as she gripped the sides of her laptop tightly.

“ _ No forget about it nevermind I’m sorry _ ,” She quickly apologized, not daring to look up at her brother. She had no clue what would set him off, what made him angry. Most of the time it was completely random. Her existence was nothing more than a verbal- and physical -punching bag for him. She didn’t know what could provoke him, all she knew was that he was a bombshell that could blow up at any time. A star ready to explode. 

Silence settled between them, awkward and still. Connor was looking around the room, trying to grasp onto anything the space could give away about his sister that they could have in common. No luck. She was writing and deleting a sentence over and over again, waiting for the video to upload. She didn’t want to just put one of the already used lyrics as a description. People could hear the lyrics. Zoe wanted something else.

“What are you doing now?” He asked, standing up and walking next to the bed so he could see the laptop screen.

“Just.. uploading. The song.” Zoe glanced at her brother, still unsure of why he was even in her room. “What do you think of the line ‘the light will set us free’?”

“Too cheesy.”

“Good. Thanks.”

So she typed that in, added a few tags, and posted it, closing her laptop so that Connor couldn’t use the knowledge of her blog against her. 

“What was it for?” Connor questioned, frowning slightly. It earned a quizzical look from her as a response. So he clarified. “The song. That line. ‘The light will set us free.’”

“The song was just a thing that I made ‘cause I was bored. The line.. I just liked the sound of it.”

“I think I do too.”

**Author's Note:**

> so i tried. tell me what you think! you guys seem to be overwhelmingly supportive, but im totally open to criticism. i dont know how to write songs, either. so ignore that. thanks for reading, stay safe yall!!
> 
> ~synth


End file.
